INTRODUCTION

This book is based on emotions and not facts. I am a 17-year-old who surprisingly has had a lot on her plate. Many times I considered myself a problem probably not just because I am a girl but for other reasons too. Often times I called myself melancholic and I was always scared but I have grown since to understand that society is filled with ups and downs, making it impossible to evaluate where the real problem is coming from and I want you to be familiar with some of these scenarios.

The idea for this short book came up when I listened to the interview of Mrs. Rhoda and Adebola on TVC and Adebola mentioned that low self-esteem was one of the major problems of girls and I thought to myself that I had issues concerning that topic then, I also looked at my life and it occurred to me that I needed to put the word out there to help other girls like myself who are having similar situations. Be it low self-esteem or other situations that make a girl be considered a problem.

In most societies, not only do girls consider themselves a problem but others too, and to your utmost surprise, even some families consider girls a problem. I am just sharing my thought process and I hope this inspires you, whoever you are, not to consider yourself a problem but to use the situations you find yourself in to improve your judgments.

And yes, this edition is free so that it can reach as many girls as possible. Consider this an early Christmas gift.

Let’s talk

Look around you, as a girl, you realize that there are so many things that are limiting you and making you feel like you are a problem and I have had my own fair share. A girl is considered as a second fiddle and made to believe that the actions around her are out of protection but how protected does she actually feel or moreover, how much protection does she actually get? Let’s start from the beginning, as a girl, you are the joy of your father, the precious egg that cannot be broken. If you get injured, all hell will be let loose on the individual that had a hand in it and you grow in that light of being the only girl in the world. Meanwhile, when you look at your brother, it is as if all he does is suffer and life is unpleasant for him. He is trained like that because he has to be a man and that is what men do.

Fast forward to the future, you have no emotional strength and now have to fend for yourself, but as always, you have been an egg who is now afraid to crack and your brother is a rock who is not afraid of anything. How many of you feel like this once in a while? To be honest, there is nothing wrong with being raised like a queen but the issue of independence is left out of the equation all because of “protection”, because at the end of the day, you will get married to that man who will then take care of your every need and you will not need to lift a finger but where is the productivity? Where is the purpose? This is a problem.

Is this why some men want to be women so that they don’t have to lift a finger but I know this is not how girls want to live. I believe that a girl should be raised with the highest standard of emotional tendencies and should be put head-to-head with her male counterpart paving way for bravery; otherwise, she becomes a problem to herself. I, for a fact, want to live a very productive life, lending a hand to the needy and helping the underserved in the community the way that I can.

In the family when it is time for marriage, a girl becomes a problem when that dream man is not forthcoming and she has nothing to do herself. This just reminded me of the fact that when girls are growing up, there is the ideology that boys are a distraction but when marriage comes knocking, men become everything.

Sigh…

Funny right, but it is true. Let us take a minute to process all that before I move.

I challenge you to ask yourself the following question. See it as a purposeful test.

• Am I happy to be a girl?
• Am I prepared to face the world?
• Am I working towards my career?
• Am I ready to work hard?
• Am I a problem?
• Am I emotionally ready to face the world?

Evaluate yourself and if your answers are positive then let’s move on.

I want to point out that it is important that a girl is trained sufficiently not as a man but as a strong woman ready to face the world fully aware of how society functions or else, she becomes a problem when she has no confidence.

 Let’s talk

School is where exposure begins and as I prepare to go to the university, I better be ready to gain a lot. “Teach a girl, teach a nation” is a very common saying and this is very true because it broadens the fact that a girl is responsible for her nations’ growth, but often girls can be a problem to themselves when it comes to education especially when it comes to relationships. You may be wondering why school is a topic here and how girls are considered a problem at school.

Let me tell you:

Girls can be a problem unto themselves in school. Now let me share a personal story. In primary school, a boy had a crush on me and would always disturb me. I was taught better than to let a boy distract me, but let’s just say I distracted myself with the thought that a boy liked me. I knew it was forbidden according to how I was raised to be thinking of a boy and this could make me less focused in my studies, nevertheless, oftentimes I did not care. It got to a point I began to feel sad that I did not accept his proposal, unbeknownst to me that the boy wasn’t the problem, I was.

I am not saying I should have accepted but look at it from this perspective, I had told the boy no but was still thinking about him. Crazy right? I didn’t have the confidence to either accept him or decline him and still focus on my studies so either way, I became the problem.

Recently, I watched a movie on African Magic and the story was about a girl who fell in love at the university but her father was against it. He said he wanted her to focus on her studies and become the best medical doctor in Nigeria. In my opinion, I liked the girl in this film because she said her relationship wasn’t a distraction and she was fully focused on her goal but her father will not have it. She was adamant but then, the same father that said he wanted her to be the best, withdrew her from school saying he wanted to punish her for not adhering to his decisions.

Where is the sense in this?

I believe a girl becomes a problem when she is not certain about her decisions and cannot stand firm on what she believes in. Yes, advice should be listened to but the decision should be up to her.

In the first story, I liked the boy but did not accept him because that was not the time for that sort of thing, however, I was indifferent in my mind because I was not certain what I wanted and that made me stagger because on one hand I liked the boy but on the other hand, I did not want to disappoint my parents.

 Let’s talk

I often wonder why girls become a problem in a church setting, probably because of the mini skirt she wears to church or because that pastor just wants to have a taste. Whatever it may be, I believe in decent dressing and people leaving their house on a Sunday morning to go and worship.

As always, let me share a quick story.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I was deciding on the dress I should wear. I then stumbled on a beautiful singlet-hand gown my cousin handed down to me. I wore a jacket though. When I got to church, I figured one man was staring at me. Oh, I forgot to mention that the dress accentuated my curves and it was impossible not to behold the beauty.

 Winks…

Fast forward to the end of the service, an usher in the church told me not to wear the dress again because it was distracting other worshippers, now let me repeat, DISTRACTING. I thought to myself how? I mean, didn’t they come to worship just like I did, so how was I a distraction? I talked to my mom after the service and she explained to me something I will never forget.

She said one of the major things that make men attractive is their money; that no one would drool over a man’s body as they would over his money. She gave an example with the likes of the popular musician Davido, who she thought wasn’t that attractive but appeared so to many girls because he is the president of the 30 billion gang (having a lot of money).

 On the other hand, what makes a girl attractive is her bodily assets which are most often irresistible to men. She said men don’t value women based on their money but their body and will most times, marry a woman based on her bodily features.

Going back to the church matter, that meant my body made that certain man confused that he could no longer worship. Apparently, I became a problem in his spiritual life, and the way to fix it was to dress so that my assets are not visible.

In all honesty, this is a topic that needs to be addressed more. Why place value on a girl based on how she looks, based on her bodily assets, and not what she can offer? Why will my body be a problem for me, even in the church?

I want to point out that in dressing, girls can and cannot be the problem at the same time. She can be a problem when she dresses indecently exposing what should not be exposed but she is not a problem when she dresses in a way that makes her comfortable and yet is ridiculed about it.

  Let’s talk

There is something I would like to champion, and that is that girls should support girls.

I know, for a fact, that most girls do not like it when another girl is more beautiful or more endowed than she is and that is okay but it becomes a problem when she decides to go to any length just to eliminate that girl, be it through gossip or false rumors.

Girls should not be a problem to other girls; instead, they should be a support system to help one another thrive and become the best version of themselves. Often, low self-esteem can arise as a result of someone else’s progress as opposed to yours but this thought only has its power when you let it get to you.

Personally, I feel jealous when I am around certain girls and it makes me feel uncomfortable but I have learned better than to get involved in unnecessary competitions. In these situations, girls become their own problems when they allow themselves to be involved in unhealthy rivalry.

The International Day of the Girl Child should not only be about how men and society, in general, treat women but also indicate how girls themselves can create a support system strong enough to withstand societal norms and pave ways for changes. This is an aspect that should be practiced and more awareness should be created on this. 

CONCLUSION

I believe strongly that most often than not that the girl is not the problem in the society but becomes a problem both to herself and the society due to different situations.

More so, the girl child should not be treated differently because she is a girl but should be appreciated just the way she is.

Of course, she cannot be the same as a man but should be given adequate opportunities to prove herself and not to be considered weak.

Thus, I challenge you to look at the scenarios identified in this short book; look within yourself, look at the situations where you become a problem to yourself and change it, but in cases where family, church, school, etc. pose as threats, make sure not to feel defeated but rise above the odds and show your worth.

It is okay to feel like a problem sometimes but it becomes detrimental to your mental health when you stay in that state. Rise up and live your best life.

AND DON’T FORGET, YOU ARE LIMITLESS.